Door Number 3

Death has always been difficult for me. The loss of a friend or a loved one has been a source of intense emotional pain. 9/11 left me with a sense of emptiness that I just can’t put into words. Even Easter Sunday brings a flow of tears as I imagine the suffering and sense of being so alone that our Christ experienced.

For me, Door Number 1, was the passing of my Father-in-Law. To be honest, our relationship was a struggle at the beginning. He didn’t see me as the ideal choice for his daughter, in fact our early years were full of conflict and misunderstanding. As the years passed, I mellowed and he grew to accept me. At least as a loving husband and solid provider for his daughter. He was one of those guys that had “The List.” When he retired he was going to… see “The List.” But, that wasn’t to be, they found he had stomach cancer and he suffered to the end. His wife, his daughters and I were all at a loss.

Door Number 2, was the loss of my Father. He had been struggling with heart disease for several years. His heart surgeon told him he was a great candidate for Open Heart and that he could expect 10 years of pain free life after the by-pass was completed. He didn’t survive the day. They told us to go home after the surgery was completed, he was resting comfortably, there was nothing for us to do and to come back later in the day. Something went dreadfully wrong and he was gone before we could get back to the hospital. I was crushed. For months I had a huge hole in my heart. Where were his 10 years? I’d never talk to him again…laugh with him…hug him.

Then came Door Number 3. My Mother’s health had been on a downward side for several years. Her issues seemed to mount as the years passed. It became so common for her to tell me she had some new issue that one Sunday we were talking and she told me “Well, you know I have Wrens!” “Wrens” I said…What’s that! What did your doctors say? I asked? She laughed and said “No you silly…wrens..the little birds! They’re nesting right next to the kitchen window.” But, the trips to the E.R. became more frequent and with each visit her recovery would be not quite as complete as the previous visit. But, something has changed, something within me, something was growing, a strength that I never could have known without Jesus. I was reading John Eldredge’s book “Desire” during her final month. One evening I read the chapter titled “The Great Restoration” and a sense of wonder overcame me. The image of renewal was so strong, I just can’t explain it. The next morning my brother called and told me I must come home…Mom is dying. I arrived at her bedside a day later…she woke and asked “Oh, what are you doing here?” I explained to her that this time she was going to go home. I asked her “ Mom, do you believe that Jesus was the Son of God?” and she said “Yes.” Those were her final words with me. She passed away 4 days later as I whispered in her ear “Mom, it’s okay…Gary and I will be fine, it’s time for you to let go, to be with our Dad, to be with your Dad and our heavenly Father.” She took one more breath and she was gone. But, something had changed. I knew she was free of pain, I knew she was restored to the beautiful young woman she had been, I knew that she had new work to do for our Master…and I knew I wasn’t alone, that I hadn’t been alone all along. That I was in the same hands my mother and father were in. The caring hands of our God. He knew what was going to happen and he provided me with the tools to deal with my grief. And, I am in his caring hands…I always was.

No similar stories.