August 24th, 2009
God Didn’t Say “OOPS”
That’s what the sign said, the banner that was created for my room at HealthSouth Rehabilitation Hospital. Actually it was a quote, something I said over and over again, to everyone who wanted to tell me that this was a detour on my path or that I needed to see it as “plan B”. So my friends made this banner and I kept it posted on my wall where I could see it. I really didn’t need the reminder, I truly believed and still believe that God didn’t say “OOPS”. That being said, then what did I believe, what did I know about how this happened to me.
It was a sad and frightening Saturday, the 12th of April 2003. It all started as a blister on the bottom of my left foot. It became infected. I went to the doctor, and six days later I found myself in the surgical suite at Northside Hospital. The doctor said that they would try to save my leg, but even more they would try to save my life. I was an hour from death. Death caused by gaseous gangrene. Non-diagnosed Type II Diabetes. I awoke hours later to be told that I was now a below the knee amputee. I wept in grief and despair.
Some people must have thought that this was somehow part of God’s overall design for my life. Some thought that He had sent this misery. That He wanted this for my life. That didn’t fit my picture of God. God as the Potter, maybe. Sort of the “I brought you into this world and I can take you out” sort of thinking. No, I couldn’t see it that way.
God as the Shepherd. I wouldn’t treat a sheep of mine that way or even my pet, and certainly I was more than a pet to God.
God as my friend? Who would ever cut off a friend’s leg? On purpose? No, that idea didn’t work either. Neither did God as my Father. He said to call Him “Abba” meaning Daddy or Papa. He is not an abusive parent. Certainly not as my Bridegroom or Husband. So if He didn’t ordain this tragedy than perhaps He’s not very powerful. He could have stopped this, but He didn’t.
OR maybe the devil did it?
No, this much I knew, God didn’t ordain for me to go through this fear and agony. He didn’t send this as a punishment or a warning. No, I did this to myself. Frankly, you can’t be a 300 pound person and not have some consequences from it. The fear, that WAS the devil. The agony, that was the way God made our bodies. I knew this much…
GOD KNEW!
God did not stand with the surgeon, in the operating room and say “heavens to Me, Lucie is having her leg cut off and I didn’t know!” He was not surprised by this. He did not say “OOPS”.
The nurses said, “you’ll just have to see this as a detour or Plan B”. It was neither. God knew, so He had adapted His plan for my life to include this. His plan was a sinless world where no one got sick or had pain, but we blew that one way back in the garden. No, this plan, His plan, included this, because He knew.
In the hospital He told me to read Jeremiah 29:11…”I know the plans I have for you, says God, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a good future and for hope.” Lying there in bed, I said to Him “so THIS is my good future and this is my hope?” The answer was and remains…”YES!”
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